How the past can help you understand the present.
Everything happens for a reason. I have always been a firm believer of this. I went in to writing this entry with a very specific idea in mind. I was going to write about how your childhood memories can help you see things in your present moment.
My birthday is this week-- and I wanted to do a timeline entry of my life and how I have come to today. I had this specific idea in my head, and I needed to find a couple of old photos to put with the entry. So today, I got out my memory box. You know the box of all the "special" things from your childhood. I immediately found the picture and a couple more to bring my vision together. What I did not expect to find was the thing that would change not only this entry but give me a complete reality check on how life truly works. Today, I found a journal from a writing class that I took my junior year of high school. I opened it up, and the first page has completely changed my life as of today.
Let me preface with, when I was a teenager, I was sick. This sickness went on for years, I was stumping western medicine doctors as they could not figure out what was wrong with me. It all started when I was 14- a freshman in high school. I woke up one day and could not move my legs. My legs had black and purple lesions all over them, and they hurt so incredibly bad. I remember my mom having to carry me to the car to take me to the doctor because I could not move, let alone walk. In the beginning they found that my ovaries were twisted and was covered in cysts. I had immediate surgery, which in the process they also found my appendix was about to rupture so they took that out as well. I was admitted to the hospital after surgery where my body started crashing, according to my mom, they almost lost me. I recovered from that, I began passing out all the time, I was weak, and would pass out with no notice. It was years of doctors, a visit to the Mayo clinic to try to figure out "what was wrong with me."
I was a quiet kid, I always enjoyed writing, it was a way for me to work though my thoughts and emotions. I still enjoy writing to this day. My junior year of high school I took a creative writing class, I remember the class like it was yesterday, it was probably my favorite class of my entire high school journey. What I did not remember was a journal that I kept as part of the class and the writing inside of it.
As I opened the journal- the first entry was from August 1996 (almost 27 years ago to the day). It was the beginning of my junior year; I was barely 16. I am going to share the entry below:
The amethyst is important to me, with a cool shade of purple & smooth oblong shape. It symbolizes calmness and peace. It's important to me because whenever I'm in pain I concentrate on the stone and the powers inside this helps me to calm down. Each time I clutch the gemstone in my hand I feel the powers coming into me and helping me calm down and forget about the pain that I am going through -> physically & sometimes emotionally. The lines of white weren't there when I first got it, the lines symbolize all the peace and calmness it has inside of it and in me. My dad gave this amethyst to me, and I will always love him for that.
By the calmness and the color, texture and shape of this stone it reminds me of a cool blue waterfall coming down into a very mystical place where the grass is very green and soft and the waterfall is crystal blue, with each drop of the water it washes all your sickness and troubles away. This is a very secure place where no one or nothing can harm you. When you're sick, go to there and it will cleanse you and take the sickness out of you. There are gigantic shade trees that are so big that it protects you from harms way. When you look up you see a beautiful rainbow surrounded by clouds.
Me: Tell me why you have this power to heal, why are you helping me?
Amethyst: Yes, I have the power to heal. What I am giving you is something to concentrate on. I am giving you the power to help yourself heal. I am giving you self-confidence.
Me: But I already have self-confidence, but I seem to lose everything when I'm sick, my mind, my body. I don't know why, when I wear you, and clutch you in my hand I begin to feel less pain, like at the doctors the other day.
Amethyst: I'm giving you a special power to forget about the pain and focus on the pain leaving. I can't take all the pain away, but I can help you deal with the pain and make it go away. I know this concept is hard to grasp, but when you get older and wiser you will understand. You have a very special power -> the power to believe and the power to heal yourself.
Power to heal
This one little purple stone helped me
I held it and cried
The pain was unbearable
It helped me
Look beyond the pain
Find a place in myself for peace
I had the power to believe
All because of the amethyst
They would have all kinds of music ->fade out. I would be blessed with this gift. He would have me bend over and he would place the necklace around my neck and say something and tell me that I now have the power to heal. He would tell me that this is a great honor, and I should be extremely grateful I was the one chosen to wear the precious amethyst.
Now you can see why I have changed my entire thought process. Until today I did not remember writing this nor that necklace. Now that I have been thinking about it all, I am able to put the pieces together.
I always wanted to help people, to help others heal. My senior year in high school I took a nursing assistant class and became a CNA as soon as I turned 18. It was my plan to become a nurse, so I could help heal others. I really think going through being so sick as a teenager was one of the reasons why I wanted to be a nurse. I never made it to being a nurse, I changed my major my freshman year of college to hospitality because I got scared of all the math and science classes.
Looking back at the entry I wholeheartedly know that this was my higher self, communicating with my teenage self all those years ago. My journal entry said, I know this concept is hard to grasp, but when you get older and wiser you will understand. Back then I did not have any of the knowledge that I have today about the power of energy healing. That was such a hard time in my young life, and I feel that journal entry was now me communicating with 16-year-old me. Telling me about my gifts, telling me that I have the power within myself to heal, that my gifts are beautiful. Telling me that I was going to be okay.
First reading the entry, I did not remember the necklace or that my dad gave it to me. I asked both my parents if they remembered it and they did not. It came to me this evening; I now remember the necklace. I remember going to the mall with my dad, and he bought me the necklace off of one of those carts in the middle of the mall. Even though I do not know what happened to that necklace, I do know that it was such an important piece of my journey, and it served its purpose all those years ago.
I was meant to find that journal today. Sometimes I still question myself and my choices. Leaving the corporate world, leaving my VP role, becoming an intuitive energy healer. That journal entry showed me that I have always had a gift to heal inside of me, and it is part of my purpose to help others. I was always so proud of my old title- Vice President of Sales & Marketing. Today has given me the confidence to be proud of my new title. Intuitive Energy Healing Entrepreneur!
Looking back, I am proud of my journey. As I began this entry with everything happens for a reason, I believe this-- even the hard things. I believe I needed the journey of being so sick, more importantly overcoming being so sick to be where I am today. I wanted to help people because I knew what it felt like to feel misunderstood, to experience pain that you cannot put words to. The doctors never figured out "exactly" what was wrong with me-- they thought maybe PCOS, they told me I would never be able to have children--- I carried two children full term. I began not passing out as much, they thought there was an issue with my heart-- but I think this has given me my gift of always leading with my heart and surrounding others with love-- even when it does not come easy.
I think the picture I painted in my journal entry was me meditating before I even knew what meditating was. In all of my energy sessions with others I begin with a short mediation that takes place in a garden and I talk about a tree. I think that has always been my special place for healing and growth. I think the last piece of my journal where I talk about a "he" I think I was referencing God, my angels, my guides. We all have them; they surround and protect us every day. This was the way 16-year-old me understood it.
To my 16-year old me-- not only are you okay, you are more than okay! You still lead with your heart, you still continue to write, you have created a beautiful family, you are living your purpose helping others every single day. You have accomplished so much to be proud of, and there is so much more for you to see and do! I love you so incredibly much, always remember, the best is yet to come.
xo, gina marie
"The best is yet to come"